The desperate pursuit of female orgasm


‘The Lesser Spotted Female Orgasm’ is a very rare breed indeed …Amelia Johnson (Instagram / @ meelworm)

Content Note: This article contains a discussion of sex and brief references to pornography and related topics.

If talking about sex in general is a big taboo in English society, then talking about female orgasm is like getting naked, covering yourself in whipped cream and shouting the lyrics to ‘God Save The Queen’ from the Sex Pistols at the top. of your lungs from the balcony of Buckingham Palace. It is just not the right thing to do.

For this very reason, dear reader, I have decided to keep my identity as an author a secret, in order to freely discuss the quirks and nuances of sex and intimacy that are so often swept under the rug in our respectable British culture. . In order to protect myself from retaliation from angry lovers of the past and to preserve my own anonymity as I vividly relive my past and humiliating sexual blunders, I have chosen to write under a pseudonym. Personally, I think it’s sexy and mysterious in itself. As far as you know, I might be your college roommate who, too often, must have heard a brief squeak of bed springs, followed shortly by an “I’m sorry baby, maybe the next one.” times ”, through the thin wall connection of our college halls.

“Think of me just as Cambridge’s response to Jean Milburn in Netflix Sex education.”

I could also be your dissatisfied college friend, using University as a way to vent my sexual frustration. The possibilities are endless, that’s the beauty of a hidden identity.

Rather, you can think of me simply as Cambridge’s response to Jean Milburn in Netflix Sex education.

Not for bragging rights, but as someone who has had sex with, in total, Three different people in my limited and often unsuccessful sex career, I feel confident giving completely unfounded advice based on my past infrequent and mostly misguided sexual escapades (most of which were the product of too many Tequila Rosé coupled with the pervasive fear of never being able to find love). The subject that I look forward to discovering today is a fairly rare species. Have you heard of it before? It is commonly called ‘The less spotted female orgasm’.

But before diving head first into this subject, let me paint you a picture …

We are in 2019 in a seedy one bedroom apartment in South London; crispy bundles line the floor of my future lover’s bedroom – they are Kettle Chips which tells me that he is, indeed, a man of sophistication; a pulp Fiction the poster hangs proudly above the single bed – he too is a man of culture. As he leaves the room to retrieve a new box of lukewarm white wine to recharge my Sports Direct mug, I hear the sultry opening notes of The Weeknd’s “Earned It” begin to play softly on his portable speaker from a Spotify playlist titled “Chilled Vibes”. He comes back with my wine and dims the lights. Now, I’m sexually naive at the best of times, but on this occasion it was clear to me that the tone was set: it was, almost undoubtedly, time to be frisky.

On this particularly ill-considered occasion, by participating in a certain sexual act, I felt, shall we say, less than satisfied. In an effort to avoid sounding rude (I’m a dear reader, at least I’m primarily a pleasure to people) I politely suggested that this particular gentleman could perhaps adjust his technique; I am a human woman after all, not a stubborn stain on the carpet that is in desperate need of a good cleaning.

In response to my respectful request, my lover replied confidently, “Girls actually like it like that. “

Myself having been a girl for the past 22 years and not liking “it”, I naturally felt puzzled.

Did this man really tell me that “girls” as a species all appreciate this particularly vigorous technique, despite my specific announcement that I felt less excited than usual?

Yes, dear reader, he was. Because as we all know, men know much better than the woman they sleep with what women like in bed.

Not to stereotype, but it is, I think, sexual arrogance that would be unlikely to be expressed in the same way by a woman in this scenario. Never in my life, say for example, after receiving feedback on an over-enthusiastic handjob (I told you that people liked me), have I had the nerve to respond with assured assurance that “In fact , boys like it like that ”.

As a woman, waiting for an orgasm is often very similar to Samuel Beckett’s play “Waiting for Godot”; in short, you’d better bring something to read, because you might wait a very long time.

“My less than adequate one night stand used porn as a practical guide.”

The porn, I think, is partly to blame. Free long shots of busty blondes cumming violently, often from a less mediocre push from their male counterpart, set a precedent among impressionable viewers. While the majority of observers are aware that this is usually sub-par action on the part of the woman, it seems my less than adequate one night stand used porn as a guide. convenient.

I realize that I write primarily from a heteronormative point of view. But I think it’s fair to say that I’m not the only one who notices a difference between the sexes in reaching the big “O”. According to David Frederick, assistant professor of psychology at Chapman University, generally “All groups of men – gay, bisexual, heterosexual – enjoy more than all groups of women” and “Lesbian women enjoy more often than heterosexual women. but less often than men. “

This does not mean that women can not having an orgasm, but perhaps to draw attention to the fact that while certainly possible, female orgasm is certainly more elusive than, say, male orgasm.

I believe it is partly a product of social factors, and partly biological. In addition, it is important to note that not everyone is can, or even longed for, have an orgasm in their adult life, and this is by no means a prerequisite for enjoying sex. Sex is varied and multifaceted, and there is no “one size fits all” technique when it comes to seeking pleasure. Indeed, I think it is also important to mention that an asexual existence is also valid, and in no way neither intended nor inadequate.

However, in general, the fact remains that the clitoris is widely regarded as the only human organ that has no other function than to provide sexual pleasure. I’m not a scientist, but it leads me to believe that women (generally) are supposed feel sexual pleasure. The old adage “Lie down and think about England” is no longer enough.

When a man coming in seems taken for granted, but a woman coming in is a privilege, maybe it is a sign that we as a society need to start talking more about female orgasm.

So maybe even if a man tells us that “all girls” like something in bed, in pursuit of female orgasm, we girls better trust our own instincts and our very reliable vibrators, if we are to avoid to wait a very long time for a …


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