Saint Marty McFly! The 2485 time traveler returns with more predictions!
One of the most popular chronicles I have ever written was a fun whirlwind through the predictions of an alleged time traveler from the year 2485.
Since its publication last fall, it has been read by hundreds of thousands of people around the world. Every day he gets hundreds, sometimes thousands of views.
When I first wrote it I had no idea it was going to be so popular. I was just fascinated and amused by this person pretending to be from the future and making predictions on the internet. If I had known it was going to be so popular, I probably would have included an index card for one of my books in the column, like Arimathea, about the three wise men as ninja wizards protecting Jesus, Mary and Joseph from the armies of demons sent to destroy them, or Black Knight Apocalypse, which brings together the conspiracy theories from the false moon landing to the assassination of JFK in a story about a secret society of alien warriors in Tibet. But of course you don’t have to be a time traveler to predict that I would never think of doing something like this.
I have always been intrigued by conspiracy theories and the paranormal, and in particular time travel. Theoretically, this should be possible, and, ergo, then there could be real time travelers among us. It is beyond me why they would choose this year as their tourist destination though, I’d much rather go back to the 90s when things were a lot more fun. But to each their own, I guess. Maybe they really like Olivia Rodrigo?
As with any time travel situation, some of the people who claim the lineage looks dumber than anything else, but there are some who raise eyebrows with some of their predictions.
One of the most intriguing and popular alleged time travelers of recent years is the aforementioned person claiming to be from the year 2485, who posted a number of predictions on his social media, especially TikTok.
This person seems to particularly insist that there is soon going to be an interdimensional war between Earth and a race of interdimensional aliens called the Nirons. So, you know, you don’t have to worry about paying for those speed camera tickets because we’re going to have bigger issues to sort out in a year or two. One thing this person had in his predictions was that this year the government was going to admit the existence of UFOs, and it happened. So, points on the curve there.
However, this traveler is not alone.
There are a lot of people claiming to be time travelers on TikTok. I’m not sure why they go on TikTok as much as they do any other social media platform, but maybe they enjoy watching videos of girls dancing in bikinis, guys getting kicked in the bag with wiffle ball bats and Dave Portnoy reviewing pizza. Maybe they won’t have these things in the post-apocalyptic future. Fucking Nirons!
Either way, there are a lot of time travelers there. One of them, Aery Yormany, claims to be from 2714, and they come up with four predictions to prove their truthfulness. Aery goes by the name of esthetictimewarper which proves that they are not hipsters because if they were they would go through artisinaltimewarper. Plus, they’d have to clean all of the PBR cans out of their time machine after taking trips, and their TikToks would likely involve more predictions about the release of the next Mumford and Sons album.
Anyway, predictions, yeah.
The first is that on October 20 of this year, eight humans received superpowers from the extreme energy of the sun. (Note: neither of these humans are members of Mumford and Sons.) In fact, another time traveler predicted it as well, but they said it would be NEW humans, but one would die from the experience, in leaving eight. These eight new superheroes will be needed to help save Earth, according to Aery. Ok, pretty cool prediction. I will be looking forward to October and hope to be one of the eight, not the ninth. I’m currently tracking my cardio and vitamins just to be sure.
Aery also claims that on November 17, more than 30 new species will be discovered, including larger versions of snakes, sloths, dogs, birds and more. Yawn. This one seems thrown in to cover their bets. Snoozer. Come on now, give me some of these giant beasts with cybernetic laser eyes or psychic abilities or something, Aery, don’t let me down here.
On January 9, 2022, Aery says that a virtual reality life is being created by a company called Arkh, similar to the one in the book Ready Player One. Again, like prediction two, it’s not too impressive. I mean, we basically already have what’s going on, with everyone playing video games and using avatars and the like, and blockchains like Decentraland offering virtual real estate. Pick up your game, Aery, you have one left to impress me.
And then they say that on December 1, 2022 begins a new pandemic, more contagious than covid but with a greater chance of survival. Again, that’s pretty predictable, especially as long as people continue to avoid masks and vaccines because they think they contain tracking microchips from Tom Hanks and Bill Gates.
So let’s move on from Aery and take a look at AUTHENTIC time traveler, which is called From The Future, which says they are from the year 2582 and reassures us in many articles that their TikTok is NOT A Joke.
Authentic Time Traveler also says there will be a number of people with superpowers this year, but ONLY six people. Hope it is enough to save the planet if they are right.
They have some mundane predictions on their page, like there’s going to be an underwater city discovered in 2026 (that’s pretty plausible) and there’s going to be new creatures discovered (durrr, it literally happens every day). time; most of the world is unexplored), but they also have spicier options, such as that a huge hurricane is going to destroy New York City in 2023 (see “Hamilton” now while you can!), the Book of Mysteries, a police
previously hidden knowledge, will be discovered in 2024 in the mountains of Sweden (new meatball recipes!) and that in 2025 the first trace of Cthulhu will be found in the Caribbean (this trace will be Cthulhu’s diary of his awkward teenage years, which contains some really bad poetry and disturbing hentai sketches involving tentacles.)
There is also Real Time Traveler (it’s good to know that they assure us by name that they are not those pesky and dirty fakes!)
And TimeTraveler2021, who claims to be a time traveler from 2062, but whose time machine apparently wasn’t working well enough to go back to a time when they could get the TikTok TimeTraveler2062 profile name.
And then there’s one of my favorites, an alleged time traveler whose machine apparently worked to grab his favorite alias and snub a celebrity in the process. It’s called OfficialJimCarrey. (Why Jim Carrey, I have no idea, maybe Ace Ventura sees a huge rebirth in the future? Hey! Maybe he ventured into the ’90s!)
He reportedly went back and forth in time and “proves” it by showing a video of him standing in front of old restaurants and vintage stores.
Remarkably, he looks like he’s taking the photos in our present day, standing in front of old restaurants.
Then again, maybe he is time traveling like the rest of us, one second at a time.
However, if you see a photo of him standing in front of Mulkey and saying it’s 2085, don’t be surprised.
Sean Leary is an author, director, artist, musician, producer and entrepreneur who has written professionally since his debut at the age of 11 in the pages of the Comics Buyers Guide. A graduate with honors from the University of Southern California’s master’s program, he has written over 50 books, including best-selling books The Arimathean, Every Number is Lucky to Someone, and We Are All Characters.