Real Housewives of Orange County, Season 16, Episode 7 Recap
The most shocking thing in this episode didn’t even happen in the episode but after the pointless “To Be Continued…” during a dinner party in Cabo. We had the “Coming this season on RHOCtrailer. It was good. Very good, but it usually happens halfway through the season. Does that mean we’ll only have 14 episodes this year? season of Vanderpump Rules which just ended, and we’ve already had twice as much action here in CO as any of the SURvers could muster. Was there a break for COVID? Did everyone decide they couldn’t film anymore after Noella locked herself in a doghouse and needed the paramedics to pick her up? (That’s what seemed to happen in the trailer.) I have no idea, but I’m not ready for the end of this season yet because I’m enjoying it.
Before we can talk about all the drama with Noella, a crayon melting in the back seat of your minivan, we need to talk about one of my favorite subjects: Emily Simpson in One Piece. At the start of the episode, she is swimsuit shopping with Dr. Jen and Nicole, the red-bottomed Death Mask. When she gets to the store, she says, “Hmm, maybe a bikini.” No! Emily! To do! Not! There’s no one on the face of the earth who looks better in one piece than her. It’s his signature. Do not give up! Emily tries on a bikini and of course she looks awesome because she’s Emily Simpson and she always looks great. But then she tries on a one-piece and Nicole says, “I love the one-piece.” Of course it is, because Emily looks great in them year after year. Just like Lisa Rinna has iconic hair, Emily Simpson has an iconic swimsuit choice. I’m glad that when they finally get to ride on the beach, Emily is dressed properly with spandex covering her navel. NO wonder champagne bottles burst spontaneously. That’s because Emily made them all shake and stir.
Before she can even get to Cabo, Gina has to go to Heather’s abandoned department store and ask her if she’ll invite Noella on the trip. Having gone through her own divorce drama immediately after being cast on the show, Heather is sympathetic to Noella and would rather she be in Cabo with the group than worry about her being home alone. It’s weird that Noella tells all the women how lonely she feels without them. Doesn’t she have real friends? After seeing how she behaved the rest of the episode, the answer is no. Heather agrees to invite her over, but Gina has to babysit Noella and make sure she behaves all the time. It’s a bargain as fair as a $5 foot long.
There is, however, another topic of conversation that offends me. Heather says Noella brought her daughter Max a gift for her book launch. It’s an LGBTQ+ themed card game because they’re both bisexual or something. However, the cards say things like “Get your ass eaten” and “Get your pussy eaten” and a bunch of other rude things that were comically beeped with the beep that lasted longer than Meghan King Edmonds. . most recent marriage. Heather says it’s “pornographic”. I do not know. I feel like porn needs to have a visual component and something about being sexually explicit and being pornographic is totally different. But we have no context for what the card game is and how these cards are used. Is it like Cards Against Humanity and what are the answers to the prompts and are meant to be funny? Are these things people should do to each other? Are they like a guide to better sex? I can not tell.
What I can say is it’s crazy that Heather has that list in her phone because you know she was planning on using it as ammunition against Noella. Heather is clearly using “pornography” to make a bad faith argument. Are they inappropriate for a 17 year old? Probably. Did Noella know the game was so obscene when she gave it to him? I do not know. But also, 17-year-olds are sexual creatures. I know this because I watch an HBO documentary series called Euphoria. I have a 17 year old nephew. I must be an idiot to think he doesn’t pull his crank in camera. Wouldn’t it be healthy to make our children realize that, within reason, some sexual content is acceptable and that a little help in pleasing themselves might not be the worst thing?
All the ladies are on a private flight to Cabo, except Nicole, who didn’t come because Noella is leaving, and Noella, who’s coming later because, as I like to say of Noella, of course. They arrive at this gorgeous villa with a door that’s a giant sun like it’s the front door to a nerdy bar called Tequila Katie’s. There are a bunch of casitas around the property and no one is giving Gina a trigger warning about when she had to live in one immediately after her divorce. Their first day seems pretty fun with Shannon, Emily and Gina riding off and falling out of a hammock like they’re in a Three Stooges movie and Heather talking to Dr. Jen about how she got a huge muscle removed. tumor on her femur. in her twenties and now she is in constant pain. That’s what I love about Dr. Jen. Every time she sticks her head above the fray to say something, it’s a complete and utter tragedy.
Then Noella appears. Of course, she’s late. Of course, she forgot her passport. Of course, she’s pissed that no one is there to greet her. Of course, of course, of course. She tries to tell us, “This is my first trip without a private plane and I didn’t know I needed my passport leave the country “. Oh darling. It’s not like your last name is Rothschild. You have flown commercial flights much longer than private flights. You remember what it is. You’re just trying to look way cooler than you. But even if Noella knew she needed her passport, of course, she’s the type of person to forget about it if only to stand out a bit more with the drama.
That’s what happens at dinner. Noella only wants to talk about what she wants to talk about and make sure everything around the table is directed against her. She’s like Ursula the Sea Witch, but instead of feeding on someone else’s voice, she feeds on their attention, and she clearly gets it. Look at the stench she gives off from her hot tequila. She said to the waiter, “Can I have it in a glass like this?” She then takes her glass of water, throws the water on the ground, then asks to put some ice in it. All of this is useless. This guy will bring you a glass of ice. Calm down. But of course. Of course she has to make one thing.
It looks like we missed some important steps on how she orders her dinner, but of course, it’s an ordeal. Of course, she asks the waiter what the specialty is and probably sees that they have octopus, but she doesn’t like the way they cook it, so, of course, she asks for something off the menu, and they bring it and then, of course, she doesn’t eat it. Sure. You can just see Noella making a stink bigger than 19 dead skunks about a meal she had no intention of eating.
When Gina and Emily tell her that maybe she should eat that dinner she made a whole production of because you can tell people, including Heather, are annoyed, Noella says, “I don’t care what Heather think of me. And here’s what I love about Noella. She knows that Heather totally sent Nicole swimsuit shopping with Dr. Jen and Emily to talk about Noella and try to convince them not to travel with the group. She gets it. She sees what is happening.
But that doesn’t mean Heather is wrong about her. Noella should make sure she looks like an asshole in front of everyone (including the viewers), which Gina and Emily try to prevent. They’re trying to make Noella’s life easier, and she can’t see it because she has no idea what she’s doing isn’t the norm. She has no idea how annoyed everyone is with her, because that would mean taking a moment to think about other people’s feelings, which isn’t something Noella seems to be used to doing. That’s the thing about her that I would find infuriating. Just like Heather, I would hate all the work she does. How nothing is easy with her. She takes something like going on a trip, ordering dinner, showing up at a free luxury Mexican villa, and making it a fucking chore. Yeah, I love that her thirst comes for Heather’s fake, but at this point, I’m willing to let the fake win.